The Best Cure
by Gmariam
Summary: The team relaxes and has a bit too much fun while Jack is out of town. Written for the Torchwood July Oneshot Challenge, Day 21, boredom.


The Best Cure

"I. Am. Bored." Owen announced with a dramatic wave of his arms and an even more dramatic sigh as he threw himself onto the old, lumpy couch in the Hub. "I have no aliens to dissect, no diseases to diagnose, no technology to discover. Nothing."

"Must be nice," Tosh said, not even looking away from her computer, where she sat engrossed in something obviously intense.

"It's not _nice,_" Owen whinged. "I'm _bored._ I need something to do before I actually fall asleep standing up with my eyes open from sheer boredom."

"You're dead, you don't sleep anymore." Again, Tosh didn't even glance at him, just threw the matter-of-fact statement over her shoulder and continued.

"Thank you for reminding me," Owen grumbled. "It was a figure of speech. How about I'm so bored that even though I'm dead I could keel over and die again any moment."

"I'm bored too," Gwen said, coming into the Hub from the lower levels. "I've cleaned my desk three times, reorganized my computer twice, and even asked Ianto if he needed help downstairs in the archives."

"You must be desperate," Owen remarked with a shake of his head.

"He shooed me away."

"Was Jack hiding somewhere?" Owen sniggered as Gwen collapsed on the couch next to him.

"He's out of town, remember? And please don't go there. I've already seen far more than I care to see of those two."

"Bet they're never bored," Owen grumbled.

"If you're into that kind of stuff," said Gwen.

"I'd be up for anything right now," Owen replied, hands crossed over his chest. "Even their sort of warped and kinky."

"Oh, I don't think they're that warped and kinky," Gwen protested. "This is Ianto we're talking about after all, he's—"

She was cut off by a loud exclamation from Tosh, who turned and gave them a sheepish smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. Not that I think we should be discussing their sex lives just because we're bored."

"So you're bored too?" Owen asked, standing up and walking over to her station to glance over her shoulder. "Then what the hell are you working so hard at?"

A victorious grin lit her face. "I just beat your high score at Space Invaders."

"You did not!" he exclaimed, leaning closer to check.

"I did so." She stepped back to proudly display her score. They had found the ridiculous old game buried deep in the Torchwood servers and every so often had a bit of fun with it. Apparently Tosh was just as bored as the rest of them if she was playing computer games instead of doing actual computer work.

"So if you're bored and I'm bored and Gwen's bored, what do we do? We can't just sit around doing nothing."

Ianto walked in at that moment, hands in his pockets and a slight smirk on his lips. "The tank could use cleaning, the Weevils will need feeding, there is always something to be archived, I'm sure there are unfinished reports lying around that I've asked for a dozen times, and the kitchen should be scrubbed before it spawns sentient mold." He stopped when he saw them staring at him.

"The job of general support is never done," he said in his driest tone, causing Owen to snort.

"General support, my arse. Ianto, do you _ever_ get bored?"

The Welshman seemed to think about it as he sat down on a nearby chair and actually spun around several times. "I'm bored right now."

"But all those things you just listed," protested Tosh. Ianto shrugged.

"There's a difference between having nothing to do and wanting to do something, and having something to do but wanting to do nothing."

"So we're the former and you're the latter?" asked Owen. When Ianto simply inclined his head in response, Owen shook his head. "Jack works you too hard. I hope he makes it worth it."

"Owen!" Gwen exclaimed, tossing a pillow at him from the couch.

"What? You're all thinking it."

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Ianto asked, eyebrows raised questioningly.

"Hell no, teaboy. Keep it in your pants." Owen turned and started pacing. "Team skull sessions are fun and all, but I'm still bored. I need something to do, or I'm just going to check out of here early and hit the nearest pub."

"You can't drink," said Tosh.

"I don't care. I'll live vicariously through every bloody drunk I can find."

Tosh exchanged a look with Ianto, who nodded slowly as he glanced at his watch.

"Jack's won't be back until later tonight," he said. "The Rift is quiet, there have been no reports of Weevil activity for three days. The Hub is clean and we're down to playing Space Invaders and spinning around on chairs. Why not?"

"The pub?" asked Owen. "Seriously?"

"Best cure for boredom is a bit of fun, yeah?" asked Ianto. He stood up and loosened his tie. "We'll take the monitor, have a few, and call it a night."

Tosh gave him a funny look. "What's got into you, Ianto? Normally you stay behind if we suggest going to the pub."

He shrugged. "Sometimes even I need to get out of this place. Especially when it's slow and boring."

"It's because Jack is gone." Owen nodded sagely.

"He's not slow and boring, that's for sure," Ianto replied with that sly wink he rarely used, and Owen pretended to gag.

"So all that cleaning and archiving can wait?" Tosh teased.

"There's always tomorrow," Ianto replied grandly, holding out his arm to her. Owen clapped him on the back.

"That's the spirit, Jones. I love it. Let's go."

They headed out to the nearest pub, where they shared a booth, had several drinks, played some pool, and laughed a lot. It had been a while since they had been out together and actually relaxed, and before they knew it, they had left the pub, bought a large bottle of whiskey, and were stumbling through the tourist office in stitches.

It didn't take long—or very much whiskey—for someone to suggest they wait up for Jack and play a game. Gwen wanted to know how to play naked hide and seek, but Ianto told her once more that there was no such game and never would be. Owen, even completely sober, suggested they make up their own rules, but Tosh—sweet, innocent Tosh—suggested a Space Invaders tournament, strip-style. They'd all play at once and every time someone lost a round, they lost a piece of clothing as well until someone was down to their undergarments.

She asked if they needed to turn up the heat, but no one paid much attention as they poured another drink and pulled the game off the servers.

And so it was that Jack arrived back late that night to find his team engrossed in an important case, as they were all sitting at their computers, working silently and diligently. A double take brought him to a stop just steps from the door, however, because his team was also in various states of undress.

Tosh was sitting at her computer, eyes so focused they were glassy, but with only a sweater and socks. Owen had lost his shirt, while Gwen had lost her shirt, shoes, and socks. Ianto had his back to the cog door but appeared relatively normal compared to the others, until he turned on his chair and was revealed to be sitting in boxers, socks, and the maroon dress shirt that looked so good on him.

"Welcome back, sir," he said, quickly swiveling his chair back to the screen. Jack advanced cautiously, hand moving toward the gun on his hip just in case something suspicious was going on. Alien tech, perhaps? Extraterrestrial virus?

"Everything all right?" he asked casually.

"Space Invaders," said Owen, not glancing away from his screen.

"Tournament," added Tosh. "Not really from space."

"I'm losing," supplied Gwen, which caused Owen to snort and Ianto to chuckle.

"Apparently," said Jack, slowly walking toward them. None of them turned toward him, they were so involved in their game. Jack glanced around the rest of the Hub but everything seemed to be in order: no monitors going off, Myfanwy appeared asleep in her roost, and everything was clean…except for the pile of clothing and very large bottle of whiskey on the sofa.

"I see," Jack murmured to himself. "You've had some fun while I was gone."

"We left you some," Gwen threw over her shoulder. Jack walked over to the bottle and tipped it over.

"No, you really didn't," he replied with a grin.

"There's that bottle in your office," Ianto offered, not even looking at him. "The one we picked up last week before we—."

"Right," Jack stopped him before Ianto embarrassed himself in front of the others. He wondered if he should join them or if he should just watch and make sure they were all right. Yet even as he pondered what to do, there was a loud noise from Tosh's computer followed by a surprisingly vile curse.

Owen threw his hands up. "Tosh is down! And out!"

Tosh was still swearing under her breath as the others stopped and waited. Slowly she stood and removed her last piece of clothing, leaving her in only her underwear. She quickly started shivering and hurried to grab a blanket from the couch.

"I told you we should have turned the heat up," she grumbled as she sat down and tried to get warm.

"That's what you're worried about?" Owen asked with a sharp laugh. "You beat the Hub high score but just lost the first Hub tournament. How the hell does that happen to a so-called computer genius?"

"I believe it's called alcohol," Ianto replied, padding somewhat unsteadily over to the couch in his stocking feet. "I'm fairly sure I wouldn't have lost my trousers if I hadn't had that last."

He collapsed onto the sofa next to Tosh, followed closely by Gwen, who let her head fall back and almost seemed to fall asleep.

Owen came up to Jack and clapped a hand to his shoulder. "Well, Harkness, it's just you and me. Care to head back out and let them sleep it off?"

Jack gave him a sideways glance, half tempted to take the doctor up on his offer. But then he glanced at Ianto, sitting on the sofa, hands folded over his abdomen, eyes half-closed. Ianto seemed to sense him looking, because he offered a crooked grin followed by a wink which told Jack that while Ianto had had quite a bit to drink, he wasn't so drunk as to call it a night. In fact, from the next look Ianto gave him, Jack was fairly sure Ianto was ready for quite a bit more, only Gwen had snuggled up to his shoulder and was practically snoring, while Tosh was staring into space in that dazed way she had when she was drunk and trying to figure out what had just happened.

"Maybe another time," he finally replied. "I'm knackered. Brightman was a bastard as usual. I think I'll just take everyone home and call it a night."

Tosh nodded slowly, Gwen sat up clumsily, and Ianto wiggled his eyebrows. Jack tried not to grin as Ianto helped the girls up and they all tried to get dressed in a giggling heap. Owen just watched, a look of impatient annoyance on his face crossed with a distant sadness at being left out of something that Jack recognized too well.

"I've got Tosh," Owen finally said when Tosh had pulled on her shoes. "You take the other two."

"Oh, a threesome," murmured Ianto, giving Gwen a cheeky look that rather surprised Jack, but only made Gwen break down in fits of giggles.

"I'm a married woman, Ianto," she replied, though she was standing very close to him in a very cozy way. She stood on tiptoes and whispered something in his ear that caused him to shake his head sadly.

"Sorry, there really is no naked hide-and-seek," he replied out loud. "Although we could always show you—"

"Ianto," Jack said, taking his arm and pulling him away. "Let's go. You've all had quite enough to be going on like that."

"Aw Jack, we're just teasing," Gwen said as he took her arm as well and guided them out of the Hub to the SUV. "Can't we have a bit of fun now and then? In between saving the world and almost dying every other week?"

He stuffed them into the car and got into the driver's seat. Gwen had laid down in the back, and he threw her a grin over the seat. "Just a bit. Can't be pissed if the world ends on duty, though. so don't make it a habit."

"Jack just doesn't like to share," Ianto murmured.

"Oh, that's not true," Jack replied, glancing sideways. "I could tell you stories that would make your hair curl about sharing."

"You already have, and it already has," Ianto replied.

Jack reached out and touched his leg. "I just don't want to share _you_."

"Right. I'll remember that next time you flirt with that waiter at Francesca's."

"He's cute, you have to admit."

"I prefer Maggie myself," Ianto replied conversationally. "Long dark hair, bright blue eyes, brilliant smile—"

"Sounds like Jack," Gwen offered from the back seat with another giggle. Ianto turned and glared at her.

"Go back to sleep," he told her with an exaggerated huff, while Jack laughed and squeezed Ianto's thigh.

"Dylan's got blue eyes too, black hair, sexy sideburns, and a nice arse…" He trailed off as he realized it.

"Sounds like Ianto," Gwen said. Suddenly she was poking her head into the front seat between them. "You two are ogling your doppelgangers. That's adorable."

Ianto snorted while Jack just grinned again. They drove Gwen home in relative silence after that, delivering her to the door of her flat and apologizing profusely to Rhys when she couldn't get the key in the lock and had to knock. Yet judging from the way she fell into his arms and the look on his face when she did, he wasn't too angry. They let themselves out.

"So what started this little party?" asked Jack as he headed toward Ianto's flat. He could almost feel Ianto shrug loosely next to him.

"We were bored."

"You were bored."

"It's been quiet, it's been slow, it's been…well, a bit boring." He paused and sighed. "And it's been a while since we've really relaxed or had fun since Owen, you know, died. It was a much-needed diversion. A break." He shrugged again and stared out of the window at the passing buildings.

Jack was silent. "Wish I could have been there," he finally offered. "Could use a break myself."

Ianto gave him a sympathetic look. "U.N.I.T. that bad?"

"As ever."

"Hmm." Ianto glanced back out the window. "Sounds like you could use a private diversion of your own to relax."

Jack grinned sideways at him. "I wouldn't mind, depending on what it was. Or who."

Ianto's laugh came out as more of a snort. "As if the who is in question. I'll leave the what to your imagination." He turned and gave Jack a slightly tipsy wink. "Just drive a bit faster if you're curious."

Jack laughed and stepped on the gas. For him, the best cure for just about anything would always be Ianto.

* * *

Author's Notes: 

Thanks to Inusagi for the challenge!


End file.
